


Phosphenes

by chiakitea



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Online Dating, Online Friendship, Online Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 00:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12693144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiakitea/pseuds/chiakitea
Summary: In which Keith overthinks the way he communicates and interacts with his friends online and begins to deprecate himself. Fortunately, his boyfriend, although not physically, is there to comfort him.(Just some venting based on some real life experiences, really).





	Phosphenes

"It was nice talking to you again, you nerd." Pidge's sleepy smile took over the majority of Keith's screen as she yawned into her sleeve. Her long hair was put up into a messy bun, countless strands sticking out from her evident tiredness.

Keith lightheartedly rolled his eyes at the nickname but chuckled nonetheless. He brought his crossed arms closer to himself subconsciously before giving her a small hint of a smile.  
"You too, Pigeon; but after this call, go directly to sleep, you hear?I don't want to see you online when you're supposed to be sleeping."

Pidge snorted at his words. "Me? And sleep? In the same sentence? What planet have you been living on? Please do enlighten me."

The male shook his head disapprovingly, sighing in slight amusement. "In all seriousness, you should get some rest. You've been taking tests for the past days, and since it's a Friday, use it to catch up on sleep.

The small girl huffed in feigned annoyance. "Sure thing, mom."

Keith laughed and raised his left hand in a parting wave. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"You better. I'll go over there to Texas myself and kick your sorry butt if you disappear on us again. We were all worried about our angsty emo boy. Especially Lance."

With a reassuring chuckle, the male spoke, "I won't, I promise; and I'll make sure to talk to him as soon as I can. I think he's online."

"Mm. I wish you good luck. Bye, Keef."  
Keith quietly snorted to himself. "Thanks. Bye, Pidge."

The last image that Keith saw on the screen before the call ended was of Pidge giving a small salute with her index and middle finger. 

Immediately after the small notification sounded to signal the end of the Skype call, Keith rested his head against his crossed arms with a frustrated sigh. He went over his and Pidge's whole call, beginning to end, in his mind and scowled to himself.

"I need to stop being so quiet and awkward..I can't even imagine how difficult it must've been for her to be in a call with me for that long..man, how'd I get stuck with such good friends? I really don't deserve them.."

Just as the teenage male's mood was starting to dampen, the Skype's jingle for incoming calls started to play. He glanced up at his computer screen and read the username of the caller. 

It was Lance.

Keith took a moment to take in a deep breath and compose himself. He lifted his head and lightly smacked his cheeks in an attempt to lighten up. When he deemed himself ready, he pressed the green button to make way for the video call.

A small smile crawled onto his face when he was met with his boyfriend's face. That smile immediately became faintly sheepish when he saw the expectant look that was aimed at him.

Lance, eyebrow raised, had his arms crossed his arms against his chest. Sapphire eyes were narrowed and dull in a deadpan expression. The fact that he was dressed in his pajamas made him look a lot less intimidating, but Keith didn't bring it up. It was kind of endearing, really.

"Well?"

"Um..sorry..?" Keith fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket in apprehension. At seeing this, Lance's eyes softened. He brought down his crossed arms and sighed audibly.

In an attempt to clear the tense atmosphere, Lance clicked his tongue in the same manner a parent would do to a child.  
"What am I going to do with you..?"

"I..really didn't mean to worry you.." Keith's shoulders tensed up in a display of anxiety.

In response, Lance raised his hands up in a gesture to "calm down" before speaking softly, "You don't need to apologize. I just..got very worried when you wouldn't respond to any of my messages. I even asked the others if they heard anything from you the past few days and started to freak out when they said no. Keith, I know it's none of my business, but by any chance, was this..because of your father..?"

At the question, Keith flinched. When he took notice of Lance's guilty expression, he started shaking his head rapidly. "Nono, it's not. It's something else. I just..it's complicated..are you sure you want to explain?"

The other boy gave Keith a reassuring smile and brought a pillow close to his chest, squeezing it in slight uncertainty. "Only if it's not a bother.."

"It's not.." Keith took a moment to close his eyes and brace himself. Opening his eyes, he started to speak, "I don't know if I'm the only one, but..sometimes I have these moments. Moments where, usually after talking to a person, I start questioning why I say and do certain things and basically, become overly critical of myself. I start feeling like a burden to people and question not only my worth, but also why such amazing people would pick me, someone who constantly screws up and ruins countless friendships, to be their friend. I just don't get it."

Keith swallowed thickly when he felt his throat starting to close up. Just as Lance opened his mouth to counter all the things he's been saying so far, Keith held up his hand to continue talking.

"And it's frustrating; so, so, frustrating. After this is when I usually wonder how it would be if that wasn't the case. If you guys had ended up with a different person to fill my role. Would you have ended up happier? And you, Lance..would you have ended up with someone who can value more than I ever possibly can? Someone who can be as open and outgoing as you and not feel awkward around new people. Someone who isn't broken and trying to deceive themselves into thinking they can possibly find happiness in the dark hole that is their life."

At this point, Keith's eyes were beginning to dampen and he was furiously swiping the newly-forming tears against the heels of his palms. Lance's face on Keith screen displayed pure bewilderment. He'd always known Keith was more of a closed-off person, and to have him display this amount of emotion and vulnerability was a very concept. The Cuban's heart clenched painfully when his boyfriend's words and crying finally sunk in. These were moments where he wished he was actually there at Keith's side to comfort him. To hug him tightly and never let go. To kiss away his tears and make sure the only time he'd cry was of happiness. Were these..all of the things Keith normally thought about when he was around him and the others..?

"Keith.."

Keith's bitter laugh made Lance bite his lip in concern. "It's stupid, I know. I must look so pathetic right now; but it's the truth. It's also why I occasionally disappear. I try to slowly distance myself and even sometimes hope that you'll forget I exist and move on with your lives. It'd be a lot easier for me to handle than getting even more emotionally attached and then seeing you all leave me later.."

When it was finally made clear that Keith had ended his rant, Lance took it as a chance to speak.

"Keith, look, I know I can't exactly relate to what you feel, but I can tell you for a fact that you're irreplaceable. You matter to us; and you especially matter to me. There's no way we'd be happier without you. Even if you're not exactly good with people at first, you're an amazing friend once you do finally warm up to someone. I'm sure the others agree with me completely. I can also say with absolute certainty that no one would ever make me feel better than you do. I have my own insecurities too, and not everyone is as patient and understanding when it comes to my emotions. Sure, you may not know how to deal with me sometimes, but just you being there is enough for me. Some people can't even do that. You're a beautiful, strong, sweet, and cute dork, and I feel lucky to call you my boyfriend. I love you."

Keith quietly sobbed at the kind words, hiccuping while he tried to calm himself. "Thank you.."

Lance shook his head and sniffled before wiping his own tears on his sleeve. His voice came out muffled. "Don't thank me. I was telling you the truth as it is. But just promise me something..don't keep this to yourself anymore. Whenever you're feeling like this, tell one of us about it. You have all of us here for you. You're not alone."

Keith's heart stuttered, and he found himself tearing up again, but for a much more different reason this time.

Lance laughed and Keith joined in, the air much less depressing than before. It was just as their laughter had dissolved into a serene silence that Lance broke into a heavy sigh. "Man, you have no idea how hard I'm going to kiss you when we finally meet up.."

Keith's cheeks flushed a pretty pink at the forwardness of Lance's assertion. He snorted in reply, smirking slightly. "That was pretty gay, if I say so myself."

Lance returned the smirk with one of his own and shrugged his shoulders casually. "Says the one who both confessed and asked me out first. Now that's pretty gay, dude."

"At least I'm honest about it."

One of Lance's eyebrows raised questioning. "Are you implying that I'm not?"

Keith laughed at the question, growing a bit embarrassed when he looked back at Lance and was met with a fond and loving expression. He cleared his throat, urging his blush to calm down as he spoke, "In all seriousness, we should probably go to sleep. I think I'm emotionally-drained. But um..can you..stay in a call with me? Like, we can both sleep but..I just don't want to be alone.."

With a smile that made Keith's chest blossom with warmth, Lance nodded. "Sure."

"And Lance?"

"Yeah?"

Keith took a moment to lay down on his side with his laptop in front of him. Covering himself with a blanket and gazing into Lance's sleepy eyes, Keith looked at the screen with a soft smile.

"I love you too."


End file.
